Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Miserable Failure

OK, so maybe not, but let's just say my blog hasn't been on the top of my ever growing to-do list lately.

So what the heck has been going on with me? Nothing too out of the ordinary, I suppose. I've had some time to think about my life and where it's headed, what I want to change and what I want to stay the same. I can't say I've made any definite decisions on anything, but there are a couple of things I have to look forward to.

I was recently given an offer that I couldn't really refuse, although it was something I wasn't prepared for. And although the idea of failing at something scares me beyond belief, I pushed it aside and took the offer. Emotionally, that was hard. Fear of failing has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life, and I am trying to work past it. If I fail this time, I WILL try again. This is important to me. So what if I wasn't ready for it? I did it. And while failing is still a possibility, I don't care now. It will only prepare me for my next attempt, and I WILL be ready if there is a next time because now I know what to expect. For the record though, things went much better than I had expected. While failing is still a possibility, also is succeeding. I never would've thought that, had I not given it a try. I'm slowing learning to have a little more faith in myself.

There are some plans in the works for a trip with some really great friends I haven't seen in years. Although it's not going to be until late next year, I can't wait. These are some of my favorite people that I grew up with, in those years before life became so serious. Back in a time of innocent fun, where we would laugh and be dumb asses all day and not care what others thought. We just enjoyed each others company. We didn't grow apart in the normal sense, we didn't go our separate ways by choice, but because we didn't have a say in it. I know that we aren't kids anymore, and the pointless joking and acting like idiots isn't going to have the same affect as it did when we were younger. We've all grown up, half of us are married with kids now, but it doesn't matter. It's a bond I just can't explain. It's more than I have ever gotten out of other friendships in my past. Good friends isn't even a close enough term. It's so much more than that.

And although I still have some things within to sort through, I am not going to hurry. There's no reason to.