Friday, January 16, 2009

Walking on Sunshine

I'm in a great mood right now, and I'm surprised. This week has been extremely stressful, but hell, I'm not going to let it bring me down! My next 4 weeks will be this same schedule, so wish me luck!

Here's just a little insight to my week:

I joined a Boot Camp class at the gym, so I go to the class Mondays and Wednesdays at 6:45, then Saturdays at 8 am. The classes are good, but I'm not feeling them like I thought I would be. Hopefully this is just because it's the first week and she is taking it easy on us, getting us warmed up to it all. With this class, I have a weekly homework assignment, and I have to keep food journals for everyday. This is great, because I need to be more conscious of my food consumption, but it is time consuming. However, it sucks trying to eat good when you haven't had a minute to go to the grocery store.

Also on Mondays, I instruct a class of my own at the gym, which is from 6-7, so I miss the first 15 minutes of boot camp. Not a biggie, it just means I miss the warm up and a little of the class, but I am getting an extra 45 minutes of workout time. No complaints there.

Then, on Tuesdays and Fridays, I work in the childcare at the gym. These are the only 2 evenings I work, and they were nice enough to work me this way so I could participate in the boot camp. However, this week, they called and asked me to work on Thursday, too, so I could train a new person. So I worked an extra shift.

So, I know what you are thinking... that doesn't seem too bad, right? Well, then there is my day job.

Monday through Friday, I watch kids.
I have a friend's little boy, who is a funny little thing, and quite possibly the loudest kid on the planet (he goes up to eleven.) From January through April 15th, I have him just about every day. He's a good kid, so he's not too difficult to handle, though I think we are going through the terrible twos. Rough times are ahead.
Along with him, I watch my cousin's 2 boys. They are both good kids, too, for the most part. I watch them part time, usually 3 or 4 days a week, some of those days are half days. But this week, the beginning of my crazy schedule, I had them every day, and all but one were full days.

Oh, and did I mention I am studying for a certification class? Yeah, somehow I have to find more time to study before my class on the 6th of February. I've barely cracked open my book and study guide, so I am not feeling too confident about it yet.

And to top that off, Wednesday morning I awoke to find out some bastard(s) broke both the driver's side and passenger's side windows on my car to steal the portable DVD player I have in there for my kids. And they forgot to take the power chord. Dealing with that mess was a whole lot of fun, let me tell you.

I finally made it to the grocery store tonight. I had to go after work, which means I was dragging the kids to the grocery store at 8 pm, when they should have been getting ready for bed. I will most likely have to deal with crabby kids, but hey, at least they now have breakfast for the morning.

But even after all the stress and craziness of this week, I am in a great mood. Why? Because I'm letting it all go, and am looking forward to tomorrow being a new day.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

And I Wonder.

When faced with choices, what makes you choose the path you take?

Say, for instance, you are at a crossroads. You are unhappy with your current situation, so much so, that you either have to fix what is broken, or walk away. Two choices, both creating a whole new life for you, after a lifetime. Neither one right or wrong, just a choice that you need to make to finally find happiness in yourself again.

Then a new opportunity arises, something new and exciting, but something that has multiple consequences should you accept it. This choice will completely alter life as you know it, hurt those who love you, isolate you from the life you have lived for so long, and really cause your reality to spiral out of control.

Say your state of mind is off... you are doing things you haven't done in years to try to fill some void that the unhappiness in your life has brought on. Think of trying to control something, anything, just to feel as though you are in control of some aspect of your life, and in the process making decisions that have grave consequences.

How do you know what to do, where to go, and who to lean on for support, when you feel like you can't talk about your feelings openly without being judged? How are you expected to make the right choice, when only one seems to be enticing and easy, though utterly and completely wrong?

The choice was made, and things are a mess. Is there no return?

Can you be forgiven when you know you made the choice that hurt everyone, the choice that destroyed life as you know it? Where do you go when your life lays in crumbles at your feet? Who do you turn to? Can you make it through to see the light again? Will their justified anger ever subside? Will you ever be able to forgive yourself for the mess you created?

Or is it too late?