Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Choice Between What is Right and What is Easy.

I'm struggling with an addiction.

As anyone who has suffered some addiction can tell you, relapses hit, and they are very difficult to fight. You have many different addictions out there, some more deadly than others, but all causing pain and suffering. Some easier to fight off than others, but none are easy to live with.

My addiction has been a lifelong battle. I have gotten a better hand on it, but I still have to try everyday to overcome the urges it causes. I can do it, I can conquer it. I have proven that to myself a lot over the past few years, but I still have my moments of weakness.

This past week has been a never ending battle, one I haven't been winning. I know I am only causing myself pain, and I can beat this, but I can also feel myself giving up and letting it win. I don't want to, but sometimes giving in is so much easier.

But giving in once means giving in again, and again, and again. It starts an endless cycle of indulgences. Indulgences which cause me to suffer every time I look at myself, both mentally and physically.

I need to be stronger for my kids. I need to be able to get a grip on this. I know that once I say NO!, I gain more confidence and strength to say NO! again the next time.

Saying NO! would be the right thing. But the easy thing is saying YES!

But by saying YES! the problems don't go away. The stresses are still there. Is saying YES! really worth it?

My life is much more important than this. I need my strength back.

3 comments:

Danielle-lee said...

You are strong. Just by being aware of your weaknesses, and knowing that you CAN beat them, is strength. I wish you the best of luck!

Debi said...

Thanks Danielle. I have beat it, the hard time has passed, and it was a huge help getting through it by writing the blog. I think admitting it out loud helped give me back my strength.

Hiya, I'm Kristie. said...

Keep working at your positive choices. It's hard, but worth it.